Before I begin, I overdressed again! The A/C in my room makes the outside weather deceivng! “Overdressed” sounds like a good title for a Wayans’ brothers movie series… but I digress.
So, friendship. Almost a taboo subject, where everyone thinks themselves an expert. Why is that? Do we all have the audacity to think that we were brought up knowing the right way to make, and nurture friendships? Chances are, we didn’t learn the lessons back in kindergarten.
Maybe the first question one needs to ask oneself is: how do you quantify friendship? Meaning, what value do you place on it, and what does it take to be your friend? I had a ‘friend’ talk to me the other day, apparently mad, start to spew at me all the ‘things’ they did for me that made them ‘a good friend’. “I gave you this once”, “I didn’t tell anyone about this and that”… These were petty things, as was the matter of their being brought up. They are stuff a decent human being wouldn’t ever bring up, let alone a ‘true friend’ who you ‘love’. Rest assured I will never borrow a dime, a coffee, or time from this person ever again. Did this person actually think they were ‘purchasing’ my loyalty and friendship?
Friendship is not quantifiable.
Mistakes. Sure, everybody makes them. Most of us even have the wisdom to learn from these little opportunities that help us improve ourselves. Some are stuck making the same damn mistakes all of their lives. I’m not sure if it’s blissful ignorance or what… But I know a few people who screw up pretty much at every opportunity. At that point, I think you have to have some kind of conscious knowledge you’re doing it… You have to!
Anyway, I digress 
Trust is a very horrible thing to make mistakes with. It’s the basis, the foundation of every relationship of any value – friendship or otherwise. Breaking someone’s trust, is not something one gets much practice at – at least not with the same person. I won’t go into details, though I (and I’m sure you too) have loads of examples on this particular topic – sadly.
Bad friends help us better appreciate the great. See? Bad ones have their purposes too! If we didn’t have bad friends, how would we know what a truly good friend really was?
“Social Butterfly” friends, as I like to call them, sometimes wear a very convincing disguise – that of a good friend (these are also known as ‘friend whores’.) These types are usually the center of attention, usually at your expense when you’re not around. These ‘friends’ will take information you tell them – many times in confidence – and use it to put themselves on a pedestal to their other friends.
There are also your ‘fair-weather’ friends. These are people who become your best friend – when they need something. After they get it, you usually don’t hear from them until they need something else that they know you can provide.
One last thing someone can do to make you cringe (but not necessarily make them a bad friend) is making constant promises – in this case, about themselves. “I will quit so and so today.” not only will they tell you this, but make a huge, world-wide announcement. You know – because they hate the attention! Days later, they start making excuses to themselves and others. “Stress” put that cigarette in your mouth. Once or twice a month wouldn’t be a big deal, but making huge claims like this, about various things, every few days? Your friends will support you to the end, but few people will take you seriously… That is just plain aggravation.
Here, I tried my best to list bullet points that in my opinion make someone a bad friend. This entire post was ‘inspired’ by someone who has broken every key point above. These issues, these constant transgressions… Sadly it’s not something you can ‘cure’ overnight. You can’t change the way you are that quickly. But who knows, maybe you want to remain this empty shell of a person. It’s entirely your choice on what happens next. Maybe you like only hanging out with people who only are there for your money, or material things… Maybe you only like those things too. But leading a life like that, would make me cry myself to sleep every night… Because at the end of the day, I’d realize I was completely and utterly alone.
You can change. Even you, yes! It will take time, and my patented 12-step program (kidding.) you have to be patient, and just be a decent human being. If you can do that, you’re off to a good start – definitely better than before.
I’m no expert when it comes to the field of friendship. I’ve just seen my share of mistakes, whether from others, or from my own eyes. Remember, whoever you are – no matter how ‘far gone’ you may be, no matter how harshly you think you’ve burned your bridges – remember that your friends most likely are better friends to you than you have been to them. Don’t take their friendship for granted. Chances are, they haven’t shunned you entirely. If you are sincere (this time…) about your intentions to truly improve who you are as a person, people might listen. But WORK on those things first. Don’t go announcing ground-breaking promises and willingness to change for the better. DO it. It should be an intensely personal decision. Nobody needs to know but you. And once you fix all the things you set out to, your friends will notice soon enough – at least the ones worth while will. I promise.
Remember that actions speak louder than words – they always have.
Start today – start right NOW. Not tomorrow, not ‘later’. The biggest cause of inefficiency and low of productivity is “I’ll start tomorrow”. Don’t get sucked in.
